I celebrated turning thirty last month and while taking in the people across the dinner table (and later, the dancefloor), I was struck by a feeling that’s hit me repeatedly the past few years: a quiet sense of awe toward the women in my life and how much their love and friendship mean to me.

As a writer, I’m constantly googling synonyms for words. Most recently, while writing this article, I searched for a synonym for the word “submit.” It shouldn’t be surprising that the first suggestions that came up in the search bar were “submit to your husband” and “submit to God” or that I immediately reacted with a visceral, pure, unadulterated rage. 

My work to unlearn the limiting beliefs that have been affecting my romantic life seems like it’s going to be an ongoing process. Here are my newest revelations.

I’m quickly discovering that the nature of personal growth is cyclical. Having written about my self-improvement and self-love strides in the past, it may come as some surprise that I find myself at what feels like another starting point.

Like many women in America, I spent much of my young life worrying about what the men or boys around me thought of me. I was called boy-crazy on more than one occasion during my school days. I’d had more obsessive crushes than years by the time I was 10. That trend would continue for a few more years with a new boy striking my fancy every few months and my entire vision of myself morphing based on what I thought they thought of me.

I feel like recently I’ve been bombarded with hyper-specific ads about things I should be worried about happening with my body. Sure, I’m plenty used to hair removal, anti-aging, makeup, and weight loss ads. Those have been constant background noise for most of my life. These new ads though, they’re something else entirely.

Recently, on a trip as the only single friend with a group of couples, I had a realization — the guys my friends were with were actually a whole lot cooler than I had thought they would be before I met them. Having only known them by their “credentials” before this trip, I had assumed they’d all be less than stellar boyfriends.

Setting and maintaining your standards is one of those skills that people simply don’t talk about enough. However, it’s one of those skills that has the power to affect every single aspect of our lives, for the entirety of our lives, and we’re just left to fend for ourselves.

Because of TikTok’s algorithm that whittles down the videos you see based on the ones you seem to like, I found myself in a side of TikTok FULL of women talking in extreme, vulnerable detail, about their lives.

Have you ever had someone be really nice to you for seemingly no reason? Have you ever been applauded by your peers or bosses for the same amount of work that your colleagues complete? Have you ever felt like you have your pick of the litter in terms of jobs, dates, friends, etc? If so, you probably have some degree of “pretty privilege.”